Desire

Here I am.
In front of my blank canvas.
What do I do, write, draw, paint, cut it... eat it?
In the end, I can do whatever I want with it. If I stare at it intensely, it's so white that it forces me to close my eyes, as if I were gazing at a beautiful vision on the horizon.
But this blank canvas, pure, pristine, is right here in front of me. It's waiting for only me to accept its destiny. What it will become is not that it doesn't care, it simply can't decide... It's just a canvas.
A beautiful canvas, large, welcoming, white.
Do I really have to be the one to ruin it?
Do I really have to take on this responsibility?
But how can I? My hands are already trembling! Look, look, the brush is slipping.

* Drop the brush *

See? See?! I can't even decide what to have for lunch and I have to decide the fate of such a splendid canvas?! I can't, I'm not capable, you see it too... I don't have the skills, I'm just a good-for-nothing as my father always said, I'm just a fool good-for-nothing who thinks he's an artist, but I'm just a failure, a brainless person living in the world of dreams and fantasy chasing a dream too big for a meaningless being like me... What am I worth?

Do I really worth something...?
desperation
depression
other..?

What? What are you saying, Canvas? Did you choose me? In what sense did we choose each other?
Ah, I understand, you think that the order of things has led to our meeting in this place and at this moment because it was written in our destiny, the Immutable Destiny?
No? In what more subtle sense?
Yes, yes, I agree with you, the immutable destiny is a human conception. But I don't understand the boundary between luck, destiny, and will. If Luck and Destiny can be seen as two sides of the same coin, how far does the sea of personal Will go? If by luck or destiny you and I met, how much did my Will to continue what I consider my path influence, even against the thoughts of everyone, above all those I love. My Commitment cannot be underestimated, even in the face of the order of things.
Certainly, my will, my commitment, my perseverance influenced the path of my life, which is now permeating in this moment of pure Freedom.
It's thanks to Me that I'm in front of blank Canvas, free to put whatever I want on it. I am free to create whatever I like. I could even present it as a blank canvas and put whatever description I want; some lunatic might even call me genius. Or I could put in so many colours to create the Black, what everyone fears. That black inside ourselves that leads us to see and believe that everything is like that, swirling and chaotic inside a big black hole sucks us inside ourselves. I think the only way not to be sucked in is to fill that magnetism with something else; the void does not exist, the void must be filled.
Yes, I know Canvas, this is the difficult part, filling that void with something beautiful; or at least constructive. As easy as it may be, paradoxically I have the same difficulty that I have in filling you. The awareness that I can do what I want leaves me disarmed, speechless, thoughtless... I'm not used to it, I've never been granted the luxury of thinking with my own head, indeed a thinking brain is difficult to manage, it's better to clip its wings. And when I'm here, in front of Freedom, the only choice I make is not to choose.

But no, at this moment I want to Create.

Maybe I'll make a black canvas in the future, but I doubt it.